Deadlines !

Sometimes, when self discipline goes out of order, then you need deadlines in life.
Deadline to write the next post - 29th October 2013 :)

Living without fear of consequences - an experiment - Day 1

The first day was really eventful. Now I realize why people like to "live on the edge".
There is no boredom or even serenity - your whole day will be filled with different kind of experiences - good or bad.
Only in 1 day, I see huge changes in my personality. A guy who usually talks only after 2 drinks, was striking conversations with every one ! Wohhaaa ! No body taught me this trick in "personality development" books. Anyway, here are my experiences - whether they were good for me , or bad - I am not judging . Just stating the facts.

Eventful experiences

I am usually very  calm and serene whole day long, and enjoy the extreme emotions once in a while with friends or family. But on "Day 1" , I was either very happy or very angry or very sad or very sexually active. Eventful is the life, and thats how you live it, dawg.

Everything was in the past , when the moment has passed

I fought with someone. When the fight got over, I was happily munching some popcorns. I did not care who I fought with few moments ago - or why. I was head-banging on some song, and suddenly I was sad at something. I did not care about the song any more, just that I am sad. I did not care what happened a moment ago ! Every thing in past - was out of my head.

No Fear

When I stopped thinking of the future consequences, I had no sense of fear in what ever I did. Fear is not a "bad" thing - it keeps you alive. But it can also stop you from doing a lot of things. Like, chatting confidently  with a stranger, experiencing your 350 cc bike at full throttle,  looking into the eye of double sized stranger who is acting like a jerk and threatening to kick his ass,  or maxing out your credit card.
People can also do things with "thinking of consequences" - but this way - they are just way much easier to perform.

Every one was either with me , or WRONG.

This is the one, I got scared of! Everyone, who stopped me from fulfilling my desires, were completely wrong- and I even had fully justified reasons of why they were wrong.

I didnt work, and I lied to boss that I did. Jerk, cant he understand that I work so hard everyday - why I had to work today also. I need an extended weekend , and he cant understand that - what can I do except lie.

Even that 60 kmph speed limit sign board - ofcourse it was wrong. How the hell can he tell me that I can not take that curve at 100 kmph ? ( But rule no.1 - break no law. So I had to come down at 55 kmph :)   )

So, If you help me in completing my desires, you are my best buddy, or go fuck yourself.

No judgements vs Fully Judgmental

I did not judge any of my actions, even for a single moment. I had no reasons to. I did what I wanted to do. Isnt that we all should be doing in life, Do what you want.
But other people. They are just big assholes I tell you. One guy on bike was rash driving in front of me. Doesn't the bloody loser know how to drive . Fucking "rich dad's kid". Spending dad's money and acting like a wanna be on the streeet. Go home to your mom you fucker.

Cared about my looks

This one contradicts the last point below. I could not understand why.
I was one of those geeky guys, who doesn't care which color or design my shirt is - as long as it is hiding my manly chest hairs B-) . But that changed. I had perfectly combed hairs whole day long. Contact lenses with sun glasses were out. Shirt was even ironed on day 1 :O And at-last, I felt like pumping iron all day long. Need to get those abs, dude.

No self image.

And last one, I have suddenly started using a lot of curse words ! I do not care what people think about me any more - or infact what I think about my self anymore. People are bloody losers anyway - expect for my buddies.

All I know is what I want, and I am right, you are fucking wrong if you say otherwise.

Living without fear of consequences - an experiment

I have always believed that life is not about right or wrong - but choices and consequences. If you chose to not study for exam - your consequences are failing that exam or cheating in the exam.  If you chose to hurt a friend, your consequences are - hope that friend will forgive you - or lose the friendship.
We want our choices - our way to live, but no one tells us what consequences of this choices will be.

That's what I had always believed in. But someone recently told me that I think too much, and should "Just do it" because YOLO ( You only live once ) . We argued a bit, but then I thought, instead of preaching others, I should join the other side for once - and experience living without fear of any consequences. Do what I want. If I want to drive fast, I will. If I want to skip office for sleeping extra hours, I will. If I want to work, I will. If I want to eat unhealthy, drink, smoke - I will. If I want to fight with someone, I will fight without fear of getting beaten up :D

Without any fear of what might be consequence of my desires, I will do it. No priorities, no responsibilities, no future plannings - only fulfilling desires of this moment .

This might sound too extreme to you. But think about it. Haven't you ever done something without fear of what will happen in future ? Eg. buying on your credit card, without knowing whether you can pay for it later on or not. Or bunking class "just to have fun". Or stealing money from your father's pocket. Well, I am just going to try out and do these "something"s every-time.

So, from this morning I woke up with strong belief  in this mantra - live this moment , not the previous, not the next - only this moment. Started with full throttle, driving at 120 on my bike for hours, first time in my life. Went on to listen to songs at full volume without caring about the neighbours - because I wanted to listen to my favourite song at full volume.

But, like every experiment needs some rules, here are a few of this one.
1. Do not break any law.
2. Do not put any one else's life in danger.
3. Do not force my own desires on any one else.
4. Don't do any thing "bad" or "good". If that good/bad judgemental thought has arrived in my mind - move on to something else instead.
5. Do anything that I want, no matter how crazy, risky or socially un-acceptable it is or even if it break hearts of near and dear ones - do anything except mentioned in rules 1 , 2 , 3 , 4.

I will share my experiences soon. If I dont, expect that I have died in some bike accident :O

you crazy YOLO , here I come.

Kids and adults - do not try this at home - but actually you already are - just the level is different for each one of you :P

Update - Day 1 experiences

Cookie :- Ervin McKinness, a 21-year-old aspiring rapper, tweeted about driving drunk at 120 mph minutes before dying in a fiery one-car crash that killed the rapper and four others.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/13/ervin-mckinness-driving-drunk-tweet-yolo-dies-car-crash-dui-_n_1880348.html

stop blaming, start living : quotes

Bob Sweeney: There was a moment, when I used to blame everything and everyone for all the pain and suffering and vile things that happened to me, that I saw happen to my people. Used to blame everybody. Blamed white people, blamed society, blamed God. I didn't get no answers 'cause I was asking the wrong questions. You have to ask the right questions.

Derek Vinyard: Like what?

Bob Sweeney: Has anything you've done made your life better?

From American History X

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120586/

To take control of your life, stop blaming others.

Understanding Women - 25

Men, a woman is never wrong.
Men, when dealing with a woman , you are always wrong.


If you feel she is wrong , but she does not :-
then you have made the mistake of not being able to understand her . So you are wrong.

If you feel she is wrong, and she also feels that way :-
then you have made the blunder of making her realize that she is wrong!! So, you are more wrong than ever.

Men, a woman is never wrong.
Men, when dealing with a woman , you are always wrong ;)

*Cartoon credit

It starts with a thought

“
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habit.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. 

                                                         ”     Lao Tzu

So, what are you thinking right now ?

Building good relationships - Part 4

If haven't read part 1, click here to do so before reading this post.

And now the last 2 facts are about biology.

Fact 7 :-

• Men are always looking for physical attachments, but they actually get attached to their partner when they get attached emotionally,
• Women are always looking for regular emotional attachments, but they actually get attached to their partner when they get attached physically.

What does this mean ?

Boys - if you are "just friends" to that girl you love, its because you have become emotionally attached to her but she is not physically attracted to you.

Girls - if your boyfriend is just interested in sex and not marriage, its may be because you have given him the physical attachment he desired, but he is not emotionally attached to you !

Men and Women, I hope that now you know your own and each other bodies better.


Now, the big question - how the hell these facts help you in your relationship ?

We will discuss this situation by situation - and you may extrapolate according to your best judgement.


But some pointers in short:-

1. Do not justify your actions with excuses.
   By not fooling yourselves with excuses, you will do things that you really want to - instead of finding excuses and do things that you don't really want deep inside.
2. Do no expect anyone to treat you "right". People will behave with you, as they seem fit for their own good. If you know this, you will handle your emotions better.
   Caution :- that does not mean you become a cynic , expecting everyone to do wrong to you :P understand, its not about 'your' right wrong - its about 'theirs' right-wrong , which you can not control
3. All concept of morality, right-wrong, justice are taught to you by a majority (known as society) . You can always choose to have your own concepts.
   Caution :- Don't go against the social rules, just because its cool - or just because you want to be a rebel . Go against when you truly understand and believe otherwise, and are aware of all the consequences.
4. Speaking of consequences, society will punish you, if you break social rules. Law will punish you, when you break the law. Remember this, when you do choose to do things that you like. Do not crib later on :P
5. Men and Women are different - biologically , physically and psychologically and so are their needs.
6. Last and the most important point :- This series was about YOU and only you , not your partner, not your friends.
   Do not try and teach your partner these facts. If you do, you have lost the point of this series. Keep this series about you and your interactions with the world.

50% of your relationship is about YOU. If you are not happy with yourselves, with your spouse or with the society, your relationships can never work.
Thats why this series is about you.
And, if you still just want the mantras on how to keep the other 50% happy, you can find millions on the internet :)

Lastly, remember one thing, life is bigger than a relationship. Irrespective of whether you have a good relationship or not - find your dreams, your goals, things that you like - find them. Remember, 50% of any of your relationships is about YOU.

Cookie :-

Rocky talking about world, excuses and life.

Building good relationships - Part 3

If haven't read part 2, click here to do so before reading this post.

Next 2 facts are about the society. Yeah the evil society !

Fact 5:  Society is a group of organism ... ok, if you have read previous posts, you already know what this fact is about. Society serves to common interests of a majority, not only yours.
Fact 6:  If you break social rules, society will try to punish you. if you don't want to be punished, follow these rules.

Same is with Law - if you don't follow law, law will try to punish you. Gays and lesbians have been fighting this battle with law, for ages. Law has recently started to give them their basic human rights - not because they were wrong earlier and  justified now - but because now there is a majority that believes being homosexual is not wrong.

Society is not evil . It feels just as justified and righteous for every action, as you do ! It is as justified evil as you are !

So,

• You can chose to follow these social rules blindly, follow them partially with your judgment or ignore them completely.
• When you choose to go with the social rules, you choose to have an easier survival tactics - ie. safety of a herd.
• When you chose not follow society rules, your own survival becomes your own responsibility and harder. Deal with it, instead of cribbing about it.

Problem with people :- they try to claim their "freedom" from social rules by giving themselves "self-righteous" or "modern" reasons - and then expect society to give the safety of herd.
Now thats a Stupid Expectation.

Why is this society important in a relationship?
Well, your parents, your relatives, your peers  - all these will intervene in every relationship of yours and every personal choice of yours - directly or indirectly.


When you learn this 2 facts about society, you will
1. learn to not give stupid social or anti-social reasons to justify what you want to do

2. realize that your identity in society will be based on how they see you - you can't change that but your identity in your mind can be based on how you see yourself.

Weird observation, when the society is against someone, that person usually starts to mistreat the person nearest to him/her !
What do you think correct observation or Incorrect observation ?


Cookie :-

Image Source :- unknown

Building good relationships - Part 2

If haven't read part 1, click here to do so before reading this post.
 
These 2 facts are about your special one :-

Fact 3 :- He/she is an organism with survival instinct being his/her top most priority.
Fact 4 :- He/she is an organism with need to produce offspring as his/her second top most priority.

You didn't seriously thought that your special one will be any different human being than you ?
Realize this :-

He/She will treat you as his/her instincts force him/her to treat you. How you treat him/her , has nothing to do with how he/she will treat you ! And he/she will always have "justified" reasons for the behaviour.

But , it seems so wrong ?

I am truthful, dutiful and faithful - still my husband does not treat me well :O
I love my wife so much, but she betrayed me and had an affair with another man :O
My boss does not see my hard work and always complains :O

Add as many "wrong" situations as you want here

But realize this :- People will treat you as they want to treat you.You can not control them !!!

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too."
--Will Smith

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”--Wayne Dyer

Getting the point here ? You may not be able to stop people from hurting you, but you can still chose to not get hurt, and chose to live your life as you want. Go back to Part 1 of this series to understand You better. To understand that if people hurt you, and you do something

• to take revenge, or  
• because now it "is right" to act in certain way, or 
• because "he/she also does the same" - 

then you have not understood the first 2 facts. Your life, your actions, your reasons - do not justify it with other people actions.


If you have realized these 4 facts , to be continued .......

Cookie:- Coming up soon

Building good relationships - Part 1

In my last post, I appealed you to promote relationships. But how do you build "good" relationships with other human beings, including your spouse?

Search, and internet will give millions of mantras as how to improve relationships with your special one(s). I am not gonna tell you all those mantras. I will tell you 8 simple facts. I believe that if you accept these, it will help in your relationship.

First 2 facts are about YOU

Fact 1 :- You are an organism with "survival instinct" being your top most priority.

Millions of cells in your body depend on this instinct of yours for their own survival.

Fact 2 :- You are an organism with need to "produce offspring" being your second top most priority.

Genes in your body want to live for ever !!

You may not realize this, but most of your decisions in life will be based on these two facts:-

1. somehow survive - physically, emotionally, financially and socially
2. bow down to your body's desire to reproduce.

No matter what self-righteous reasons you give, fact is your core nature to treat people around you will always be based on these 2 facts.

Unless you accept these two facts!!

Please,
do not cheat and justify with self-righteous crap,
do not steal and justify with social-righteous crap,
do not lie and justify with  feminist-righteous crap.

Nobody is going to believe your justifications.
Apart from you , everybody else can see why you did what you did. And when you will put blame that "he/she does not understand you", a bridge will be created in that relationship.
Instead, accept these facts and instead of justifying, see your behavior clearly too.
Also, by not giving these excuses, you give yourself a chance to be, what you actually want to be deep inside.

What do you think, is it actually possible to not justify your actions ?

And how accepting these two facts gonna help your relationship ? 

To be continued....

Cookie :- Thats how White Blood Cells in your body, chase bacterias in the blood

Image Source

Do not fall in love , fall in a relationship instead.

Love is a selfish need to produce hormones so that you can feel ‘magical’.

When in love, you are known to be ready to lose almost everything else for it- be it closely guarded virtue, or relationships with parents, or career or even life.

When a bigger need for survival of own trumps this hormone addiction, love fades away, leaving you and your loved one disappointed and unhappy with each other and your own lives.

Relationship is mutualism - benefitting both.

Relationships are perceived to be boring and takes lot of time and effort to build.

Being in a good relationship makes you grow personally, improves your relationships with other people, increase chances for a better career and create happiness.

Because of the effort and time invested, relationships last longer.

What is the difference between the terms love and relationship? 

Falling in love requires no reasons, creating relationship are based on mutual understanding and respect. 

Love can survive breaking of trust, but relationships don't - turning them into arrangements. 

Love is about losing yourselves, relationship is about being yourselves while respecting the other individual’s identity. 

Bollywood teaches about love, not even your parents teach about relationships :(

Promote relationships.

Do not fall in love , fall in a relationship instead

Cookie :- Chris's views on love , relationships and women :D